Date: Sunday, October 30, 2016
Mountain: Mt Hibbard
Trails: Wonalancet Range Trail, Mt Hibbard Cutoff, Walden Trail, Old Mast Trail

Submitted by Pat

I am finally finished with radiation treatment for my breast cancer and I am thrilled. My breast is so tender and painful that I don't think I could have tolerated much more. I can't comfortably sleep on my side, especially my right side. The sorest area is around the lymph node biopsy scar. That just appeared during the last week when we were focusing on the tumor location.

If I allow myself, I feel the uncomfortable and sometimes painful sensations in and around my breast. It doesn't even feel like part of my body anymore. It has been so exposed, sliced open, and radiated that it doesn't feel like it's mine. As I sit here writing I feel intense stabs of pain slicing through the inside and along the topical skin of my right breast. I hope this is the worst of it and that in a week I'll begin to forget this pain and itching.

Nancy and I meet at the Ferncroft parking lot at 9AM. The day was a mix of clouds and sun as the system that brought us so much rain on Friday and Saturday finally moved out to sea. Great day to hike, perfect temperature, or so I think. I am questioning my fitness and wonder if I am pushing myself too soon. This hike may tank me.

I had done some research about the Wonalancet Range Trail and it didn't look to be a killer. Wet trail, wet leaves and lots of them, guide us up and up. I am so glad to see Nancy again. I feel like we haven't connected in ages instead of just two weeks. We embraced and I show her the top part of the radiation damage to give her an idea. We look at the map and decide we will make a decision about adding on the extra 3 miles to Square Ledge when we reach the intersection of the Walden Trail.

We don't see a soul all day - just the way we like it. The climb up to the Wonalancet cutoff is pretty moderate and I my legs feel ok so far. I am worried about my fitness because I only did a couple of slow trail runs during the last two weeks, not the best fitness builders. We decide not to visit Mt Wonalancet and save the energy it will take to hike an additional .4. As we climb we feel the usual temperature changes going from comfortably cool to slightly uncomfortably cool for me wearing only shorts and a long-sleeved shirt. Soon we start to see signs of snow. I knew it had snowed in the higher summits, but this hike would barely take us to 3,000 feet. What's up with that?

We stop at a small view once we reach the summit of Mt Hibbard, sit and take some pictures, but the steepness and depth of the cliff edge we are sitting on is too much for both of us. On our descent we get lost heading down herd paths many others had taken until we decide to go back to the summit and see if we can find the turn for the Wonalancet Range Trail. Yup, there it is, about 50 yards from the view. Yay! My tension level falls a hundred points when I know we are not lost.

On we go, following the ridge, slipping and sloshing through wet snow. When we reach the intersection of the Walden Trail we have to decide whether to hike the additional three miles to bag Square Ledge or head back. I'm not sure my legs can take on three more miles but am game to give it a try.

The trail immediately begins descending sharply - the steepness, the wet rocks and the greasy snow feels like more than I have the energy and will to conquer, so I tell Nancy that I'm not up to this and ask that we come back for Square ledge another day. She hesitates a little until my words and the emotions behind them sink in and she agrees to abort. I understand her frustration - she is feeling strong and ready. I wish I felt the same, but my radiation ravaged body is done.

We climb back to the intersection of the Walden and the Wonalancet Range Trail and head down the Walden Trail to the Old Mast Trail for our descent. The going gets rough and scary with steep areas of wet rock with occasional patches of snow. To be a bit safer we decide which side of the trail has the best footing and the strongest trees to hold onto. This intense effort, coupled with dashes of fear, lasts a long time. Both of us are riding some degree of a tension wave. I lead some of the steeper pitches so I can guide her down and spot her if she slips.

She says she's a wimp, that she really feels scared. I am scared too, but my old habit of rising to the occasion when someone else is struggling comes to the fore. I can see the fear in her face. I am not reading topo maps very well these days. When I really study the Walden Trail I can see how steep it is. Sometimes I am lulled into complacency when the contour lines aren't obviously hugging each other.

We eat lunch standing on the trail in the snow. Nancy changes into warm, dry clothes. I need energy and my sandwich tastes fantastic and so does the cookie Nancy brought for us. I tell Nancy how glad I am that the radiation treatments are over and how I struggle not to complain about my cancer journey and its hardships when there are so many people trying to survive stages 2, 3 or 4. Mine is only stage 1. I'm going to live and probably never have a recurrence. How blessed am I?

We talk about what exactly is cancer. It's not contagious. Does it live inside everyone in some form or another? Why does it explode in some people's bodies and not in others? My experience with cancer would have been very different if it had been found in situ, not having broken through the cell walls and into the healthy parts of my breast.

We make the right choice, not adding Square Ledge, and after turning onto Old Mast Trail the going gets much easier. I still feel my tired legs, especially above my left kneecap. We return to the parking lot at 3PM. 9AM - 3PM - 6 hours.

So wonderful to be in the woods again with Nancy.

32/52 with a View